Rob Mercatante's Guatemala Journal: Home again

August 04, 2005

Home again

Being back in Guatemala sure is... um... well, you could say that it is... I guess I might describe it as...

Bugger it all. Truth is I have no idea what it's like to be back in Guatemala because I'm not back in Guatemala. I'm in New York.

Yes, still.

No, I didn't oversleep and miss my flight.

No, I wasn't fired from Incidencia Democratica.

No, I haven't decided that Guatemala is just too wacky a place to call home.

No, I haven't decided pack up and move to New Orleans.

(OK, I have to admit that last one was a bit tempting, but no.)

Long story short: after some 15 years of living in voluntary poverty I've accumulated a bit of a *ahem* credit card debt. So I've decided to extend my time stateside by another month in order to get out from under this soul-crushing burden.

Here are the steps I hope to take on the road to financial recovery:

Plan A: Win the N.Y. State lottery

Plan B: Marry an independently-wealthy and obviously-desperate woman.

Plan C: Sell all non-essential organs on eBay (and maybe even some vital ones if the price is right).

Plan D: Follow the legal, take-it-to-the-lawyer route.

And finally, if all else fails...

Plan E: Seek permanent exile in Guatemala, always trying to stay one step ahead of the hired-killers contracted by the credit card company to hunt me down and "make me pay".

I'll let you know how it goes.

Posted by elcanche at August 4, 2005 04:51 PM

Comments

Rob,
Still waiting for 1. West Wing cd 2. Pics 3. news of your trip to the lawyers. I am still carrying my cell phone with me all the tim
Love.......Dad ( and Barbar )

Posted by: Dad at August 4, 2005 08:05 PM

Those are some plans you have, all quite risky, huh?? Regardless, we are happy you are staying here longer, we have been having a lot of fun while you are here. Love, Andy, Marisa (and Andrew)

Posted by: Marisa at August 5, 2005 08:05 AM

You forgot Plan F. Plead Insanity
a) multiple personalities, so you could never say who actually acquired the debt
b)temporary gender realignment 'Yes, I'm roberto, but it was roberta who drew out the money'.
c)hallucenations (brought about by cheap Gallo at the Beer Festival)...we all read the 'imaginary' goat story...didn't we.

or what about Plan G?: International Policy Dimension

a) you are working undercover for the State Dept. running guns to 'freedom fighters' in Central America in exchange for something to do with whatever country we're fighting at the moment and could they give you some more money please..or at least a more favourable interest rate.

b) you are an imporverished developing nation and would like your debt cancelled in the spirit of the recent G8 summit.

There's not a court in the land that wouldn't believe you....and I'm happy to say here, on oath, and I'm sure I speak for Dixe too, that I think you're completely £8%^&*$ bonkers!

I rest my case.
Dammers

Posted by: damian at August 10, 2005 08:35 AM

Rob,
I don't buy it. I think you were actually voted off of "Survivor Guatemala"

Tell the truth!

Dave

Posted by: Dave Rhodes at August 11, 2005 12:27 PM

Dear Damian,

That's it... I'm firing my lawyer. He's charging me a bunch of money, and never even once mentioned the possibility of pleading insanity. A defense, as you were so correct to point out, that any court in the land would readily believe.

Judge: "So let me understand this correctly, you lived in Guatemala without any chance of winning a one million dollar prize? Well, you're clearly loopy. Case dismissed."

Which leads me to my next reply...

Posted by: Rob at August 12, 2005 03:52 PM

Dear Dave,

Survivor Guatemala? (Rolls eyes). Please. Walking down sixth avenue of Guatemala's zone 1 after 11pm, now THAT'S survival. And the only prize is making it home alive.

I guess the only upside to the real Survivor: Guatemala is that no-one gets to vote me off! (Which is probably a good thing, eh?)

Posted by: Rob at August 12, 2005 03:53 PM