Rob Mercatante's Guatemala Journal: Survivor: Guatemala Mommy?

December 12, 2005

Survivor: Guatemala Mommy?

Survivor Guatemala Danni Boatwright Now here's an interesting ending to the Survivor: Guatemala story. According to a newspaper article, Danni Boatwright, the million dollar winner on Survivor, has some unusual plans for her winnings:

"Boatwright plans to spend some of the money on Christmas presents, but her long-term goal is to use the cash to adopt a baby. She's thinking of adopting a child, perhaps in Guatemala, next summer."

I would urge Ms Boatwright to reconsider. I don't think that adopting a child from Guatemala is in her best interests. I would suggest that if she indeed wants to adopt from Guatemala, it should be a full grown adult. I volunteer.

In fact, Danni, I've compiled a top ten list of reasons why you should adopt me:

1. No messy diapers to deal with.
2. I can burp myself.

3. Think of the money you'll save on babysitters.

4. I can translate for you during my adoption hearings.

5. My college education is already paid for.

6. I'll never grow out of my clothes (well not height-wise, anyway).

7. If you're tired, I could read bedtimes stories to you.

8. I'll not only clean my room, but drive to the store for cleaning supplies.

9. Discipline would be easy: I love being in "time out"!

And now, Danni, the final reason why you should consider adopting me:

10. "Mommy, you look tense. Would you like a backrub?"

So there you have it. Why bother with trials and tribulations of raising an infant, when you can fast forward though the growing pains? In fact since I already turned out to be a nice guy, you'd instantly be considered a wonderful parent!

Ok, even in the midst of all this silliness I try to make this blog somewhat useful. For those of you truly interested in Guatemalan adoptions (and even for you, Danni, if you decide to go "that way"... sigh) here is a link to one of the best sites I've seen on this subject:

Guatadopt.com - Guatemala adoption information & news

Tags: Guatemala, Survivor, Danni, Boatwright, Adoption

Posted by elcanche at December 12, 2005 09:10 PM

Comments

Do you really clean your room?

Posted by: susan at December 12, 2005 11:14 PM

"Rob Boatwright" ummm that has a certain ring to it:)

Posted by: amy at December 13, 2005 04:46 AM

Rob...You are funny!!! Anyway, thanks for the site info. Love, Marisa

Posted by: Marisa at December 13, 2005 07:49 AM

I AM NOT GIVING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION!

Posted by: Mom at December 13, 2005 11:56 AM

este hijuela!, hoy si me rei manin.

Posted by: Ale at December 13, 2005 02:16 PM

Susan: Let's put it this way... if she asked, I would definitely clean my room.

Amy: I'm way ahead of you... I've already had new business cards printed up!

Marisa: Ah nuts, "a sense of humor that has evolved beyond knock-knock jokes". I forgot to put that on the list. Thanks!

Mom: Hey if you can "adopt" a girl in Guatemala from the Christian Children's Fund, then I should be allowed to be adopted by a girl from Survivor: Guatemala! :)

Ale: 'Chas gracias! A ver si tengo suerte. Si logro ser adoptado, te invito a mi primera fiesta de cumpleaños con mi nueva mami. Jaja!

Posted by: Rob at December 13, 2005 07:56 PM

Yes she is a mighty fine looking woman, but I am happily married (and I like sleeping indoors) Bob

Posted by: Robert Cruickshank at December 14, 2005 03:29 PM

It strikes me as quite interesting that of all your articles ie. solving world hunger,Bush politics, art,this article has the most responses
Moopsie Merk

Posted by: Robert Cruickshank at December 14, 2005 03:32 PM

Well, I don't know. I liked your earlier posting with a critique of the CBS handling of the situation after Hurricane Stan and the need for relief aid.

And I laughed at the ridiculous albeit rather offending way the Survivor participants dressed up as North American Prairie Indians and pretended to be Ancient Mayas: http://www.fightmediastereotypes.bravehost.com/

But I really hated the way the people of CBS littered the ancient burial ground and sacred site with garbage, rearranged stones for the "council" and dug for ancient ceramics to eat from(?!) Shame on the Guatemalan authorities that gave permission to such exploits.

Posted by: Mikkel Moldrup-Lakjer at December 14, 2005 03:49 PM